Sexual Purity: Do Not Awaken Love Before It Pleases

"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." Song Of Solomon, 8:4

It is no longer a cultural stigma to live with someone before you are married. In fact, it is almost an expected event. I was told multiple times during my engagement that because I did not live with Blake first, our marriage would suffer. Granted, this "advice" was given to me by people who were not Christians, but it still took me aback some. Where does this belief even come from? In fact, did you know that any psychology book will tell you that those who live together before they are married are actually more likely to divorce? Look it up, it's true.

Sexual purity is such a struggle, even for those who are truly in Christ. We are often told to wait until we're married, but never really told how to pray against Satan's temptation, how to flee, or how to have accountability partners. It is acceptable in our culture for boyfriends and girlfriends to be alone in a house at only 16 years of age and expect them to only hold a Bible study. On the flip side, there's those of us who are in our mid 20s and 30s, have already had sex, and now we are dating someone new, and we think, well I've already done it, I can't be pure again anyway, so we fall into the same trap. So many people tell us it's ok that we begin to wonder the truth of the matter.

As with anything, if you are a Christian, to get to the truth, you must ask yourself, 

What does God's word say?

Sexual immorality is perhaps the most widely-taught, explicity-stated sin in the Bible. In fact, every single book in the new testament except for just a couple, talk about its heinousness. It's not just a passing statement that appears in the Old Testament only and scholars debate about its meaning. It's as clear as day that sex that is not between a married man and woman is sin in God's eyes. 

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Hebrews 13:4

So what does it mean when the Bible says to "not awaken love before it pleases"? The Holman Christian Standard Bible translates it this way: "do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time". There is an appropriate time to have sex. It is in the confines of marriage, because you have made a vow before each other, your church and God, and God has made you one flesh. Before then, young ladies, I do not care how much you love your boyfriend or fiance or how much they love you. You must love God first. Your body is his first, not yours. "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,  for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

God is lord over all your life, even your sex life

After all, God is the creator of marriage and sex, so shouldn't he be able to say when and how we use it? It's a matter of obedience and trust.

It is best for you--physically, spiritually, emotionally--to wait

Sex is powerful and is not to be given away to just anyone. Unless a man has put a ring on your finger and stood before God as your spiritual leader, he is not worthy of your body. Studies have shown time and time again that girls who have multiple partners over their lifetime are more likely to experience depression and self-esteem issues. They are more likely to develop eating disorders and to physically harm themselves.  As John Piper has said, God is not a cosmic kill-joy, but God is out to kill what takes away from our ultimate joy in Him. 

Living a life of sexual immorality can show you are not really one of God's children

If we are really his children, then we will keep his commandments (John 14:15). Being sexually immoral is not only bad for us, but it can actually reveal our true spiritual state, which is that we love our sin more than Christ. A pattern of unrepentant sin in your life can be an indicator that you are actually not in Christ (Romans 6:2).

Can I be forgiven of my sexual sin?

Absolutely. God is not only willing to forgive, but God loves to forgive us. If we confess our sins before Him, he is faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:19). 

What if I've already been sexually immoral, can I ever be pure again?

Absolutely. Purity is not solely a physical term, it is a spiritual term. When you trust in Christ, all your sin is forgiven and God grants you the righteousness that His son earned for you. You will stand before God on judgment day as perfect and He will accept you into his heavenly kingdom. While you cannot change the past, you can change your future. God's Holy Spirit will enable you to live a life of purity in your days ahead.

What are some practical ways to flee sexual immorality?

Never be alone with your boyfriend or fiance, at the very least not for more than a few minutes. If you are currently living together, I would get plugged into a good, solid biblical church and begin to set a wedding date in the near future. If getting married soon for some reason is not an option, it is best to live separately until the time is right. Also, have an accountability partner. Have a Christian friend, preferably of the same-sex, to pray for you and hold you accountable to purity. In fact, have two or three! If these two things are put into play, you really won't deal with temptation much. But, when temptation does come, flee before it escalates and you are trapped.